Things People in Long Distance Relationships Hate Hearing

LDR’s. Long Distance Relationships.
Relationships that span a significant amount of distance. The kind of distance that makes you plan a trip to see one another. The kind of distance that makes the nights lonelier and the days longer. The kind of distance that makes the heart grow fonder and the moments even more cherished.

Trust me. I know what you’re thinking. And I’m tired of hearing it. Just like every other couple who is in a LDR. Here’s a few things that people say that we hate hearing:

I couldn’t do it.
Yeah. Clearly. You don’t have the mental fortitude to be faithful to someone who you love unless they are within a close proximity.
It’s difficult. I know. But when someone is worth it, the distance doesn’t affect your love for them. I couldn’t see myself with a woman greater for me than my girlfriend. I wouldn’t jeopardize that for anything. I’d rather struggle being 11 hours (782 miles) apart than try to make it work with a female that isn’t right for me in a closer distance.

The sex must be AMAZING!
Yeah. It is.
But what does that have to do with me being in a relationship with someone that I have sex with a few times a year?
Cmon now.

Don’t you hate not seeing them all the time?
Well duh. I hate not seeing my girlfriend in person. It sucks. Her presence is such a gift that I took advantage of before. I miss her every moment we are apart.
But I mean, we do have ways to see each other. I mean, the Internet and social media is pretty BOMB for that.
Skype dates. Snapchat shenanigans. FaceTime. We still get to see one another. It’s just that we don’t get to be physically together that’s a pain.

You must spend a lot of money to go see them huh?
Honestly, no. We plan out our trips months in advance. We book our flights or hotels or travel accommodations and budget everything in. She’s a planner. I’m detail-oriented. We make it work. And for the most part, our trips are fairly inexpensive.

Aren’t you worried that they’ll cheat?
No.
It’s a fear because it’s so common to hear that happen to people. It’s a personal fear because I’ve always been cheated on. But the past has no bearing on my relationship. What happens to other people isn’t going to happen to me. My relationship is the best it’s ever been because we have to be completely open, honest, and trusting to make it work due to the distance between us.

Marriage in the near future?
Isn’t the the whole point of dating someone?

How do you keep things interesting or keep the spark?
In very creative and fun ways. It’s a lot more fun to spoil and surprise your S.O. when you’re in a LDR.
Random gifts or letters in the mail.
Keeping things light and fun.
Making the most of all the time spent together.
Actually investing in one another and supporting one another.
Get involved in something you can do together, but in your separate locations.
Maintain strong relationships with each other’s friends so they can help you out when you two are struggling dealing with the separation

Don’t worry about us in the relationship. We’re good.
Just stop asking dumb questions.
Just support us in the relationship and what we are trying to have going forward!

What I Want to Say to My Future Wife

To my future wife,
(You know who you are)

I can’t say there are many things in life that I value over you. I think about you every day. I relish in thinking of all the amazing things we’re going to do together in life. I know that all of the things it takes to make life seem fulfilled will be simplified once I marry you.

Although I doubt you’ll be able to cure my wanderlust, my insane curiosity and my constant need for mental stimulation, I’m sure you’ll contribute greatly to making all of these more pleasurable and attainable. Nothing will be more amazing than the simple bliss of sharing my presence with you.

I will truly appreciate you and everything about you. The creative way you speak, your addictive laugh, your aesthetic smile, your style, the swagger in your walk, your perfectly carved out lips, your impeccable smile, your beautiful imperfections, your quick wit, your genuine personality, your broad perspective on life, your prolific intelligence, your candid opinions, your passion and more.

You are truly one of a kind, and I won’t ever take you for granted again. I really can’t wait to start a life with you. I have a feeling it’s going to happen when we’re least expecting it, and will happen in a natural and congruent manner.

I can’t say I’m not impatient to marry you, but I know that however long it takes for us to reach that point in our life, it’s going to be worth the wait. I know all of my prior relationships and sexual encounters have prepared me for the best: for you.

Knowing this, I will be patient and open minded to our life together. The paths we’re both currently on is happening for a reason. All of the weird and crazy sh*t that’s happening in life is all going to add up to that one moment — that quick, brief, subtle moment —  when we meet at the altar. I can’t wait to experience the moment when it’s the first day of the rest of our lives together.

Timing is everything, and God will bring us together when we are ready. We will both be living amazing and fulfilling lives on our own, and will both be secure with ourselves when we’re ready to be together. We will both be emotionally healthy and know what we want in life, and will be able to truly open up to each other.

I’m sorry, but until it was the right time, we were not going to fit into each other’s lives. As much as we might have wanted to be with each other already, life didn’t let it happen. God knows what we both deserve, and we can’t force our love until it’s the right moment. But as we keep progressing in life, each moment is one closer till the day we are lawfully wed. Knowing this makes life worth living. You motivate me, you inspire me, you bring out the best in me and I’m willing to do anything in the world to make you the happiest girl alive.

You are my dream girl. You are the girl I’m proud to call my life partner. You are worth fighting for, you are worth the late-night phone calls, you are worth losing sleep over, you are worth going to your parents’ house for dinner, you are worth waiting for.

I don’t know what you’re going to look like, but I know the feeling I’m going to have when I see you walk down the aisle; that feeling is going to be priceless. There are 3.5 billion girls in the world, but you’re the one I want. I promise I won’t settle for anyone else but you.

The Real: Dealing with the Past

Past(n):
(1)a part of a person’s history that is considered to be shameful.
(2)he history of a person

The past.

So much can be learned about a person, in terms of their actions and responses in a relationship, from their past. Whether they had a rough upbringing or some turbulent relationships prior to the one you are in with them now, someone’s past will shape how they interact with you on all levels.

In an ideal, Utopian world, past relationships would have no affect or influence on someone after a breakup. That would be perfect, if you ask me. But let’s keep it REAL – most people deal with the after-effects of their past relationships for a significant amount of time; consciously or subconsciously. A breakup is hard to get over because we tend to hold onto the good memories, no matter how bitter things ended. For example, I have been cheated on in each of my major relationships. Do I hate these females for their decisions? No. It’s in the past. We have all since moved on. I still have a cordial relationship with most of them. But even til this day, I still find myself dealing with the lingering after-shock of our breakups. Either I have to be reminded about them by friends seeing their major life events on social media and relaying these to me or I have to deal with people asking me things about them, not knowing that we have been apart for a significant amount of time. My most recent ex is pregnant with her new boyfriend and I get constant reminders and updates about it. Does it bother me that she has moved on and is starting a family with this guy? No. More power to him, actually. But I still struggle from time to time with the issues from our past.

Most people can separate their past from their present relationship and can have a healthy relationship with their new Significant Other. These relationships usually have open lines of communication and have a fair share of understanding and empathy, due to both individuals understanding that each other have a past that doesn’t correlate with their relationship. This couples usually help one another deal with the random thoughts of the pain fro the past and support one another, creating an environment of love and a great bond with one another.

There are some people that just can’t get over the past easily. These people are the ones that have been used, abused, disrespected, mistreated, lied to,  manipulated, or other demeaning and destructive things countless times. People who struggle with their past are some of the more dedicated and vulnerable lovers. It’s just that people have broken them down and took advantage of them after they put themselves completely out there and had their hearts trampled over – stampede style! As much as we’ve been told to avoid getting involved with these people, their battered souls are the ones that, when cared for and revived, will be great lovers! Unless you have the people who are completely heartless and swear off relationships and to not allow themselves to be vulnerable for another person again.

Don’t shy away from the past.
I have no issue talking about the past with my girlfriend because she deserves to know about my past, just as much as I deserve to know about hers. I don’t feel that much is off-limits when you get to a deep level in a relationship.
Dig deep. Find out about their family dynamic. Learn about their past relationships and partners. ( I am not the most fond of knowing their body count, but I would rather be aware than be in the dark and surprised) Learn about any traumatic experiences from their past. Find out about their grade school selves. Learn what makes your S.O. who they are and what it is about their past that has helped shape them into the person they are emotionally/mentally/spiritually/sexually/etc.

The Real: Keeping the Spark

Spark
(n) trace of a specified quality or intense feeling.
(v) to ignite

The initial attraction. The butterflies you feel when you look at him/her. The desire to engage with your significant other.

All relationships start with a spark that creates the flame within lovers that, when properly built and maintained, will continue to grow and burn throughout the relationship.

Like an actual fire,flames begin with a spark to initially create the fire. The embers are small and vulnerable to the elements of the environment. When more dry and flammable materials are placed surrounding and shielding the budding fire, the flames latch onto the newly added material, increasing the burning embers and making the size of the fire grow. With a good source of wind, the embers with swirl and blow due to the chemical reactions taking places, resulting in a more bold and strong fire. Without interaction and engagement by stoking the fire and revealing more flammable parts of the wood, the fire will eventually begin to die down. But if you stoke it and add more dry wood and flammables, the fire will continue to burn for what seems like an eternity.

Let’s relate that to relationships.

When you begin a relationship, the spark is initially there. Two new lovers. Just taking everything day by day. Each passing day is full of new wonder and new experiences. You grow with one another. You learn about one another. Each kiss is full of life. Each hug feels like the best hug. The sex is amazing. But it’s not even at its full potential.

As the relationship grows and you two go through time and situations, your love reaches a new level and the spark turns into a flame. You actually fall in love and aren’t ashamed of it. You see your lover as more than just your girlfriend/boyfriend, but as someone who you love and want to have in your life. You begin to enjoy making memories. Pictures have sentimental value. Certain songs correlate to your significant other. Intimacy begins. You stop having sex for you and start having sex with them. You talk about them with your friends and bring them to meet your family. Even here, the flame hasn’t reached its full strength and vigor.

Your flame is at the best after the relationship has gone through the fire and continues to burn. After things came in to destroy the relationship and you and your partner got past it and grew more in love with each other. At this point, you’re not selfish anymore. You have stopped worrying about your happiness and made their happiness the most important thing in your daily life. No other man/woman compares to yours because of the love you have for your person. Routine activities become adventures, like grocery shopping, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning the house, etc. Your love for one another has no limits and you finally love each other freely and without fear. If you aren’t married, marriage is right around the corner. You want to start a family. You want to start traditions with your lover. You make passionate love, like never before. Everything you do is done with love.

The problem with most relationships that end is because we lose this spark. Our flame dies out. We don’t help to keep the fire burning. We give up. If we don’t get our way, we shut down. If times get rough, we throw in the towel. If our significant other isn’t giving us what we think we deserve, we look for greener grass.

This is not ok. I REPEAT! This is NOT OK!

When things start to fizzle out in the relationship or the spark begins to fade, GET TO WORK! If you love your significant other, do whatever possible to fan the flame and add flammables to the fire to keep it burning.

Take the time out to sexually please your partner. Their pleasure, not yours. Do the things that they like. Go all out. Make it romantic. Light some candles. Set the mood. Buy and wear some new lingerie/underwear. Try something new. Engage in sexual acts that only please your partner or live out one of their fantasies. AND DO IT OFTEN!

Get off your butt. Go on dates. Actual dates. Do something daring together. Go zip lining. Ride jet skis. Play sports together. Do something fun and active!

Be spontaneous. Be random. Mix it up. Get out of the monotony.

Be someone your partner will want to spend time with. Be charming, fun, and engaging again.

Act loving even when you don’t feel like it. Put your pride to the side and make them feel valued and significant.

Devote time to one another. It could be 15 minutes of uninterrupted time. No cell phones. No social media. No TV. Just you and your partner. It could be just talking and actively listening. It could be just time to cuddle on the couch and reflect on how you love each other. It could be just NetFlix and chillin, literally. It could be a time where you just sit in each other’s presence and just meditate. Just time for you and your partner, together.

My advice is:

Keep the spark alive. Don’t stop falling in love with your someone special.

The Real: Motivation

Motivation (n):
1. the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.
2.the general desire or willingness of someone to do something.

Your partner should motivate you.
Your significant other should be the person that keeps you going and striving to the best in everything you do.
(You know, that Kelly Rowland type of motivation)

Being in a relationship is like being on a team. A two person team, like a doubles match in tennis or volleyball. We can even compare it to a golfer and his/her caddy. Your other half in the relationship should be strong where you’re weak and should help you maximize your talents as a team. For example, if your significant other is having a bad day or is feeling anxious, you are supposed to be their tag team partner to motivate them and help get them back to being 100! Men should always speak life into their women when they aren’t feeling as sexy or attractive. We, as men, should know what to say to motivate our women and to stoke the fire inside them, lighting them up from the inside out. Women should do the same. If your man is feeling emasculated from stress at work or not feeling adequate, motivate him. Build him up and speak life into him, reassuring him and his position as a man.

Don’t allow your S.O. to ever think less of themselves than they should. If you and your partner have open communication and they say something that clues you in that they need an extra jolt of motivation, give them loving compliments and express your love and appreciation for them and counteract that negativity!

I’ve been with women that have dealt with insecurities and issues of self-esteem. (Big surprise, right?) Even with my close female friends, I have had my share of run-ins with having to motivate the females near and dear to my heart. Ladies, let’s be honest. We all know that your weight fluctuates pretty easy. Some men don’t realize how easy it is for a woman to gain some extra pounds in the wrong places. That’s why your wardrobe is usually more extensive, so you have those extra clothes that are a size bigger JUST IN CASE. Well, as a man, in a relationship we have to be the first people who get to critique you before you walk out the house or as the first person that gives you a valid opinion on how you look or how clothes look on your body. Whether you look the best or not, you expect us to either:

• be honest, or
• sugarcoat/tell a white lie

The truth is, if we love you, 9 times out of 10 we think you look great. But when you have guys like me, 9 times out of 10 I’m going to be brutally honest in the most loving way possible. If you gained some weight and you can tell, I’ll tell you the outfit is nice, but go help you pick out another outfit that is more flattering. Then, I’ll tell you how great you look and how I’ll show you later when I take take the clothes off you. Or if you’ve put on weight, I’ll plan a date to go do something active or take you on a walk. Just to motivate you to do it on your own.

My advice is:

MOTIVATE ONE ANOTHER.

If you love him/her, keep their spirits up to keep them striving to be their best. Be their biggest fan. Be their support system. Stroke their ego! Do whatever you have to do to make your man/woman feel like they are the best thing on the planet each and every day!

The Real: Listening

Listening (v):
take notice of and act on what someone says; respond to advice or a request.

Relationships are not one-sided.
It takes two individuals to have a relationship of any kind.

In every relationship, communication is key. You have to talk and listen. Though many of us think that verbally communicating our thoughts and emotions is a tough task, listening to your partner is the true key to effective communication.

It takes time to communicate properly; this is true. But being an active and avid listener for your partner will bridge the gap between the two of you. It will foster a bond that is strong and can help to lessen the risk of problems due to ineffective communication.

Every message must be communicated. Thoughts, ideas, emotions, feelings, statements. All of these must be communicated somehow. The way that we present  (or communicate) that message to our partner will cause a reaction of some sort.

When you have great communication, you understand each other. You can tell when something is wrong. You can receive jokes well. You understand when your partner is joking/being sarcastic in a joking manner or when they are upset with you. For example, a female I was involved with wasn’t the best communicator. She didn’t listen well in serious conversations. She was very defensive. Anything I said, she automatically prepared to counter. I could have told her that I was concerned about the milk going bad in the refrigerator and more than likely, she would have heard “Why’d you let the milk go bad?”

It pays off tremendously to listen to your partner in all situations. You two are supposed to be a team. Great teammates listen to one another to reach a common goal, even when they have different opinions or views on how to reach the goal.

My advice is:

Take the time to learn how to listen.
Make it a point to focus on listening to your partner. Not only verbally, but also in their nonverbal(or actions and sub-cues)
Ask about each other’s days. And actually make an effort to listen.
Ask your partner the things they like and dislike, as it pertains to your relationship.
Get to know one another again. Make sure that you know everything about them!

The Real: Forgiveness

Forgiveness(n):
the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.

Forgive(v):
to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

Sometimes, we slip up. It’s inevitable.
No one is perfect.

In most relationships, someone always vows to never hurt the other or never to treat them unfairly.

I’m going to tell you the truth. You’re not going to like it, but somebody has to say it:

YOU  ARE GOING TO GET HURT.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

There are too many risks involved when you enter a relationship and you will get hurt, one way or another. Whether intentional or not, your S.O. is going to hurt your feelings or mess up. It’s not going to be the end of the world, but it will affect your relationship.

Most problems in relationships are fixable; some are not.

One of the most important lessons to learn when it comes to having a successful relationship is learning to forgive. Not just forgiving your S.O., but also forgiving yourself.

Forgiveness isn’t about your S.O. It’s about you. It’s letting go of the desire, the need, and the “right” to require punishment or restitution for the perceived offense. In forgiving, we renounce the right to hold resentment. Forgiveness is a way to strengthen your relationship and bond with your partner.

When we get hurt, naturally we resort to our defense mechanisms that drive a wedge between us and our partners. These actions result in a breakdown in communication and make us revert back to who we were before the relationship. You don’t want to backtrack. That’s why forgiveness is so important. It’s not that forgiveness is a magic “cure-all” to the problem, but it’s the first step in the healing process. When you forgive your S.O. and yourself, you open yourself up to a situation where your S.O. feels like they can repent for their actions and you can come to an understanding. This will then lead to a positive, loving outcome, where your partner understands what they did that hurt you and will hopefully never repeat that same action.

We have to forgive our S.O. for being human. You can’t expect your partner to be all they can be for you if you are expecting them to live up to some standard of perfection. You have to learn to forgive them for the things that are going to happen in the course of a relationship.

Your S.O. will do several of these things that will piss you off, upset you, frustrate you, hurt you, etc:

• Say something they don’t mean out of anger
• Do something you don’t like
• Forget to do something that you asked them not to do
• Be angry with you when you mess up
• any other transgression that personally affects you.

Big offenses, like infidelity, may not be able to be just forgiven because of the emotional and mental strain that it puts on an individual. But, most issues that arise in your relationship can be forgiven. When forgiveness happens, it allows whoever is offended to assess things for themselves, as well as for the offender.

Forgiveness allows you to determine what you need, realize that some things are out of your control, assess your boundaries, be mindful of your S.O. and their intentions, ensure that your needs are met, and finally, open yourself up to happiness and joy.

My advice:

Practice working towards being more forgiving in your relationships. Don’t focus so much on the negatives or dwell on the transgressions because you may be hindering yourself and your relationship from blossoming into something wonderful.

Forgiving your S.O. will open up your vulnerability, but it will make you more at peace after you heal. It will bring about gratitude and appreciation and a new level of love in your relationship.

Forgiveness is one of the greatest, unearned, unmerited gifts we can offer to our partners. We let go of our “right” to bring a sense of equality to the situation and instead, disarm the pain and hurt by looking beyond and ahead.

The Real: Settling

Settling(v):
make (someone) comfortable in a particular place or position.

What’s the one thing we always hear or have heard about relationships? DO NOT SETTLE!

I’d have to agree. Here’s a few questions to ask yourself if you’re thinking you’re settling in your relationship:

• Am I truly happy?
• Is this a one-sided relationship or is this a 50-50 partnership?
• Is your partner selfish? Does he/she worry more about themselves and their needs than yours?
• Do you have doubts about a future with your S.O.?
• Does the relationship add unnecessary stress or bring you down?
• Does your S.O. inspire you to be better?
• Are you sacrificing too much?
• Are you having to change too much about yourself to keep the relationship afloat?
• Does the relationship lack emotion/passion?
• Are you comfortable/complacent/bored?
• Is there any spontaneity?
• Do you spend time together?
• Do you actually have anything in common?
• Are you having consistent sex?
• Are you dependent on your S.O.?
• Are you afraid of being alone?
• Are you convincing yourself to stay in the relationship when you’re unhappy?

There is nothing in this world that should make you stay in a relationship where you are not happy. I’m not saying that you should just call it quits because times are rough. But, if you have to make excuses and struggle internally about whether or not to stay, it’s time to recognize that you’re falling into a settlement trap.

You do not deserve to be with someone that doesn’t make you feel the most important person in the world.
You should not stay with someone who stops trying after the relationship gets to a certain level.
You will not allow yourself to settle.

Relationships only work when both people never stop dating. When one or both individuals stop trying to fall in love on a daily basis, that’s the beginning of the end.

Take it from me.
Every prior relationship I’ve had has ended because of the effects of settling. When the relationships reach a certain level of comfort, it has always ended up with one of us or both of us becoming complacent and going day by day, just going through the motions.

You know the relationship has reached an all-time low when the passion fizzles. When you and/or your S.O. recognize that the spark is gone, you’ve reached the settling zone. This is where you have to make drastic changes to save the relationship or to part ways and end the relationship.

I refuse to be in another relationship where I or my S.O. stop trying. I told myself that I will not settle. I only want the best. I want a woman who is as, if not more, passionate about me and the relationship as I am. I want to fall in love with her every day. I want to be spontaneous and romantic for years to come. I want to love without shame, fear, or boundaries and have that same love reciprocated. I want to be with someone who continuously helps me strive to be better and push my own limits. I want someone who challenges me to be better for myself, for her, and for us. I want someone who is going to turn me on and always be sexually attracted to me. I want to be with someone who never loses sight of her love for me and reminds me of why I fell in love with her.

When you are unhappy, but comfortable in the relationship, you’re settling.
When you stop romancing or dating your S.O., you’re settling.
When your level of effort is only used for personal gain or sex, you’re settling.
When you’re boring and you never do anything with your S.O., you’re settling.
When you’re not passionate with or about your S.O. or your relationship, but you don’t change anything, you’re settling.
When you stay with someone, but you fall out of love, you’re settling.

My advice:

Don’t settle. Don’t allow yourself to not be where you want to be with someone that is a dream come true.
If you’re with someone and they don’t make you happy or make your fall in love daily, don’t feel bad for ending things and find someone new.
If you’re with someone who is complacent and doesn’t add to your life, find someone who is always trying to better you, as much as they do themselves.
If you’re with someone who holds you back and is trying to get “saved”, RUN!
If you’re with someone who you can’t see a future with, RUN!
If you’re with someone who is selfish, doesn’t treat you will, doesn’t value you or what you add to their life, makes you feel insignificant, isn’t trustworthy, or anything else that violates your basic needs in a relationship,
slap yourself and go find someone who will actually love you.

My Idea of A Perfect Woman

“Nobody’s perfect. But you’re perfect for me!” — J. Cole

So everyone has their idea of what the perfect mate/partner would be. We all have certain traits, characteristics, and physical features of the ideal person to be involved with. The person you want to spend forever with. The person that will make you settle down. The person you want to marry in a perfect world.

When you’re single, it gets brought up about what you look for in a potential partner and it’s one of the hardest questions to answer. Not because it’s difficult to answer, but because the question is deeper than it sounds.

Everyone is looking for the stereotypical qualities, but what are you honestly looking for in a husband or wife? That’s the goal right? We date to find someone to marry. We are all undeniably searching for that one person to be our match and to give us a reason to commit to them without a shadow of a doubt.

Personally, my idea of the perfect woman is complicated.

To me, she has to be STRONG. A woman has to be strong, not only to deal with me, but to deal with everything that life throws at her. In all honesty, it’s difficult to be a woman. It always has been in society. We love and protect women, but we also hate and disrespect them. Women have to deal with their own emotions on a daily basis. They have to deal with living up to society’s opinions and views on beauty and success and morality, all while trying to lead lives that they can be proud of. Women are sexually objectified and harassed, so much that it’s commonplace.

It takes a strong woman to be her own person and to march to the beat of her own drum. It takes a strong woman to put up with and to love a man like me. I’ll be honest. I’m not the easiest to love or to deal with. I have been hurt so many times that I sometimes let those hurts carry over into new relationships. I have unknowingly passed the burden to women in my life to help correct problems from my past, which is unfair. I also am a ladies’ man. Not that I am out here trying to throw the D at every female that looks good, but I just have a personality that makes women gravitate toward me. I’ve been told numerous times that I flirt by accident and I give off the wrong impression to women. So I know that any woman that wants to be involved with me has to be strong because she is going to have to be able to understand who I am and how to master my personality.

An ideal woman has to have a STORY. Everybody has a story; yes. But the ideal woman needs to have a story. A testimony. Something that separates her journey from the norm. I believe that she should be a woman that has a product of triumphs and failures. I believe that everyone, men and women, are broken in some form or fashion. Whether from a rough family history or a turbulent romantic past or by other factors.

I believe that a woman should be SUCCESSFUL. Not that she has to make a certain amount of have a certain status, but she has to be successful in her life. I want a woman that has goals and ambitions. I want a woman that has accomplished something in her life that she is proud of. Whether she graduated from college or from trade school. Whether she has a successful position in a company or firm. Whether she overcame something or not.

A woman should be SEXY. Yeah I said it. Sexy. Not that she has to flaunt what she got or bought. But I want a woman that can command a room and turn heads. I want a woman that isn’t afraid to be a good looking woman. She must walk with her head held high with confidence. She has to have humility, to know what she was blessed with, but not to think of herself more highly than others. She has to take care of herself. She has to be well-dressed and carry herself with class and dignity.

A woman should be SUPER. Not like a fictional character. But she needs to be a hero. I want a woman that is super in all aspects of her life.

Everyone has a different view of their ideal mate. Whatever you define as perfect is perfect for you.
Someone may read this and agree. Others won’t.

But a perfect woman should have these characteristics.

7 Ways to Earn a Woman’s Love

Men. We need to do better.
It’s bad enough that our masculinity is being questioned and the definition of a “man” isn’t as clear as it once was.

We all want to find that one woman to love and to settle down with. But instead of actually attracting a woman and winning her over, we only work as far as our attention span will carry us. Once we get what we want, we’re on to the next conquest.

Men. We do and say all the right things to get a woman’s attention.

“You’re so beautiful.” “Why are you single?” “Let me take you out sometime. I’m not like the rest.”

I’m sure this sounds all too familiar to most women. It’s unnatural, and it’s far from genuine.

Welcome to the wonderful world of dating in 2015. We no longer put forth any effort. And when I say effort, I’m not eluding to what we say; I’m referring to what we do.

So men, consider this:

1. Be genuine.

Throwing yourself at her isn’t going to score you any points. Whether you’re constantly telling her she’s beautiful, or blowing up her phone all hours of the day by telling her you’re great, none of it is gaining her attention. Just stop.

If you’re the type who believes in playing “hard to get,” and you ignore her all day, she won’t be interested, either.

All this displays is immaturity. And no woman wants to date a boy.

Instead, be genuine. Allow your intentions to be true. Stop acting like she’s an object you’re trying to win. Treat her like a woman whose respect you’re trying to gain.

There’s way more to her than what you’re attracted to on the surface, so make a valiant effort to uncover it. She spends her days and nights just like you: working, thinking, planning and building. Take an interest in every aspect of her day-to-day.

Reply when she texts you. Pick up the phone when she calls you. And never be afraid to be the first to say hello and ask how her day is going.

When you do something for her, do it out of the kindness of your heart. If you’re interested in her, you’ll find appreciation for all aspects of her life.

In return, she’ll learn to appreciate, trust and respect you.

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2. Be confident.

Confidence exudes through your words, and even more so through your actions.

She can hear it in your voice, see it in your eyes and sense it in the way you walk. In a sense, your demeanor says, “I’m the right man for you. And one way or another, I’m going to make you mine.”

She’ll feel that immediately. You won’t even have to say a word.

Even though the world is filled with distractions and hurdles, you can’t focus your energy on how you might lose her. Rather, be proud of the way you treat her, and give her no reason to look elsewhere.

If you fall victim to insecurities and jealously, the only thing you’ll be doing is pushing her away. That’ll ruin any shot you have at building a healthy partnership.

So, stop worrying about other men. Stop worrying about the things you can’t control.

There will always be someone who’s better looking, more intelligent and more successful than you are. But if you’re more concerned with those possibilities, you’ll never be happy with yourself. And clearly, you won’t have the mental capacity to make her happy, either.

Understand if she’s giving you even a small portion of her time, there’s some level of interest. Be confident, and work with what she’s giving you.

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3. Be spontaneous.

As we get older, our lives naturally require more structure. Each and every day is more or less planned, whether it be reading hundreds of emails, running around the city to our next meetings or grinding through the latest tasks on our agendas.

In most cases, there’s never enough time in the day to get everything done.

Take a step back from your crazy schedule, and be spontaneous.

Don’t go looking for time; make time!

Call her, tell her to get dressed, take a drive up by the hills and just sit and watch the sun rise. Walk around the city all night, and talk about life. Plan a picnic in the park, take her to see her favorite play, get dressed up and go see a jazz show, journey to new places and explore new things.

There’s an entire world out there. Uncover it without intense planning. The best moments in life are the ones that just happen, the ones we never saw coming.

Every woman expects the typical dinner date. Let’s be real, it’s pretty boring. Time to think outside the box.

The element of surprise will draw her in, and it will give her even more reason to be with you.

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4. Be respectful.

She’s a woman, not your bro. Some men today tend to forget that.

Yes, you do want the woman you love to be your best friend, but you have to work up to that level of a relationship and you can’t stop trying to win her love.

Rule number one? Never curse at her.

She always deserves your utmost respect.  Never be the man who devalues a woman with your words. It’s ugly, and quite honestly, it should have no place in your relationship.

Would you want a man talking to your mother, sister, or daughter that way? I didn’t think so. Take an interest in her and nobody else. Hold the door for her, pull her seat out at dinner, hold her hand and kiss her gracefully.

In the process, refrain from building your relationship on sex.

It shows you’re invested in her, not what’s in-between her legs, and you respect her enough to value the process.

Getting to know someone on an intimate level is one of the most exciting parts of building a relationship. You create this bond that yields intense passion. With passion, sex is no longer just sex. It’s this mind-blowing connection that brings the two of you together.

It now has meaning.

She’ll admire you for respecting her, and she’ll desire you that much more for doing so.

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5. Be intelligent.

Stimulate her mind.

Ladies, correct me if I’m wrong, but what woman doesn’t want a man who can speak intelligently, articulate his thoughts gracefully and master his craft?

Your mind is the most powerful tool in your arsenal. Spend every day looking to learn something new and educate yourself on things that interest her.

Once she becomes a part of your life, you can dream together, plan together and create a vision for life together. Then, you can chase it together, aggressively.

Allow your conversations to have substance. Talk about what motivates you, what inspires you and what makes your heart scream.

Sure, your looks and finances can attract someone, but it’s your mind that captures the soul. Use it as often as possible.

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6. Be patient.

All great things take time and nobody wants to be with someone who appears desperate.

Ever hear the saying, “Slow and steady wins the race”? It’s true. So, it’s sexy to a woman when you can exhibit patience. It basically says, “I’ll wait for you because you’re worth it.”

We all want what we want. Sometimes, we want it yesterday, but that’s not how life works.

If you believe she’s worth it, sit back and enjoy the ride. If you’re genuine and honest with your emotions, treat her with respect and value her as a woman. Odds are, you will ultimately land your prize.

And if you happen not to? Well, it wasn’t meant to be, and that’s okay, too.

Every moment of life is an experience, so don’t discredit that. Learn along the way.

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7. Be a man.

The world is filled with a bunch of guys who lack passion and direction. Most men fear being vulnerable and we inevitably put up a front for women.

We look for the best looking woman we can find, attempt to impress her by pretending to be someone we’re not, use her for what she’s worth and then kick her to the curb when the next best thing comes along.

Sometimes, when we want to boost our ego, we will reel her back in, promising how we’ve “changed”. (Knowing good and well, we haven’t.)

Treating a woman with disrespect, devaluing her dreams, belittling her ambitions, giving attention to other women and sitting on your ass doesn’t make you a man.

It makes you a loser, and an insecure one at that. So, if you want her, value her. If you want to keep her, honor her. If you want to see her grow, support her.

Take time out of your day to ensure she feels your passion. Tell her how beautiful she is. Be her biggest fan. Go hard for her every single day, and when you feel like you’ve gone as far as you can, go even farther.

If you can’t do these things, don’t waste your time. More importantly, don’t waste hers.

She wants something nobody has. Be just that. Make a lasting impression on her life. Be the man who comes into her life, and changes everything she’s ever thought about men and relationships.

Prove to her there is actually someone who is interested in her for who she is, not what she is.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how much money you have or how good you look. What matters is how special you make her feel. That’s how you’ll get her to fall head over heels in love with you.

And when she does, pursue her over and over again.