Things People in Long Distance Relationships Hate Hearing

LDR’s. Long Distance Relationships.
Relationships that span a significant amount of distance. The kind of distance that makes you plan a trip to see one another. The kind of distance that makes the nights lonelier and the days longer. The kind of distance that makes the heart grow fonder and the moments even more cherished.

Trust me. I know what you’re thinking. And I’m tired of hearing it. Just like every other couple who is in a LDR. Here’s a few things that people say that we hate hearing:

I couldn’t do it.
Yeah. Clearly. You don’t have the mental fortitude to be faithful to someone who you love unless they are within a close proximity.
It’s difficult. I know. But when someone is worth it, the distance doesn’t affect your love for them. I couldn’t see myself with a woman greater for me than my girlfriend. I wouldn’t jeopardize that for anything. I’d rather struggle being 11 hours (782 miles) apart than try to make it work with a female that isn’t right for me in a closer distance.

The sex must be AMAZING!
Yeah. It is.
But what does that have to do with me being in a relationship with someone that I have sex with a few times a year?
Cmon now.

Don’t you hate not seeing them all the time?
Well duh. I hate not seeing my girlfriend in person. It sucks. Her presence is such a gift that I took advantage of before. I miss her every moment we are apart.
But I mean, we do have ways to see each other. I mean, the Internet and social media is pretty BOMB for that.
Skype dates. Snapchat shenanigans. FaceTime. We still get to see one another. It’s just that we don’t get to be physically together that’s a pain.

You must spend a lot of money to go see them huh?
Honestly, no. We plan out our trips months in advance. We book our flights or hotels or travel accommodations and budget everything in. She’s a planner. I’m detail-oriented. We make it work. And for the most part, our trips are fairly inexpensive.

Aren’t you worried that they’ll cheat?
No.
It’s a fear because it’s so common to hear that happen to people. It’s a personal fear because I’ve always been cheated on. But the past has no bearing on my relationship. What happens to other people isn’t going to happen to me. My relationship is the best it’s ever been because we have to be completely open, honest, and trusting to make it work due to the distance between us.

Marriage in the near future?
Isn’t the the whole point of dating someone?

How do you keep things interesting or keep the spark?
In very creative and fun ways. It’s a lot more fun to spoil and surprise your S.O. when you’re in a LDR.
Random gifts or letters in the mail.
Keeping things light and fun.
Making the most of all the time spent together.
Actually investing in one another and supporting one another.
Get involved in something you can do together, but in your separate locations.
Maintain strong relationships with each other’s friends so they can help you out when you two are struggling dealing with the separation

Don’t worry about us in the relationship. We’re good.
Just stop asking dumb questions.
Just support us in the relationship and what we are trying to have going forward!

What I Want to Say to My Future Wife

To my future wife,
(You know who you are)

I can’t say there are many things in life that I value over you. I think about you every day. I relish in thinking of all the amazing things we’re going to do together in life. I know that all of the things it takes to make life seem fulfilled will be simplified once I marry you.

Although I doubt you’ll be able to cure my wanderlust, my insane curiosity and my constant need for mental stimulation, I’m sure you’ll contribute greatly to making all of these more pleasurable and attainable. Nothing will be more amazing than the simple bliss of sharing my presence with you.

I will truly appreciate you and everything about you. The creative way you speak, your addictive laugh, your aesthetic smile, your style, the swagger in your walk, your perfectly carved out lips, your impeccable smile, your beautiful imperfections, your quick wit, your genuine personality, your broad perspective on life, your prolific intelligence, your candid opinions, your passion and more.

You are truly one of a kind, and I won’t ever take you for granted again. I really can’t wait to start a life with you. I have a feeling it’s going to happen when we’re least expecting it, and will happen in a natural and congruent manner.

I can’t say I’m not impatient to marry you, but I know that however long it takes for us to reach that point in our life, it’s going to be worth the wait. I know all of my prior relationships and sexual encounters have prepared me for the best: for you.

Knowing this, I will be patient and open minded to our life together. The paths we’re both currently on is happening for a reason. All of the weird and crazy sh*t that’s happening in life is all going to add up to that one moment — that quick, brief, subtle moment —  when we meet at the altar. I can’t wait to experience the moment when it’s the first day of the rest of our lives together.

Timing is everything, and God will bring us together when we are ready. We will both be living amazing and fulfilling lives on our own, and will both be secure with ourselves when we’re ready to be together. We will both be emotionally healthy and know what we want in life, and will be able to truly open up to each other.

I’m sorry, but until it was the right time, we were not going to fit into each other’s lives. As much as we might have wanted to be with each other already, life didn’t let it happen. God knows what we both deserve, and we can’t force our love until it’s the right moment. But as we keep progressing in life, each moment is one closer till the day we are lawfully wed. Knowing this makes life worth living. You motivate me, you inspire me, you bring out the best in me and I’m willing to do anything in the world to make you the happiest girl alive.

You are my dream girl. You are the girl I’m proud to call my life partner. You are worth fighting for, you are worth the late-night phone calls, you are worth losing sleep over, you are worth going to your parents’ house for dinner, you are worth waiting for.

I don’t know what you’re going to look like, but I know the feeling I’m going to have when I see you walk down the aisle; that feeling is going to be priceless. There are 3.5 billion girls in the world, but you’re the one I want. I promise I won’t settle for anyone else but you.

The Real: Dealing with the Past

Past(n):
(1)a part of a person’s history that is considered to be shameful.
(2)he history of a person

The past.

So much can be learned about a person, in terms of their actions and responses in a relationship, from their past. Whether they had a rough upbringing or some turbulent relationships prior to the one you are in with them now, someone’s past will shape how they interact with you on all levels.

In an ideal, Utopian world, past relationships would have no affect or influence on someone after a breakup. That would be perfect, if you ask me. But let’s keep it REAL – most people deal with the after-effects of their past relationships for a significant amount of time; consciously or subconsciously. A breakup is hard to get over because we tend to hold onto the good memories, no matter how bitter things ended. For example, I have been cheated on in each of my major relationships. Do I hate these females for their decisions? No. It’s in the past. We have all since moved on. I still have a cordial relationship with most of them. But even til this day, I still find myself dealing with the lingering after-shock of our breakups. Either I have to be reminded about them by friends seeing their major life events on social media and relaying these to me or I have to deal with people asking me things about them, not knowing that we have been apart for a significant amount of time. My most recent ex is pregnant with her new boyfriend and I get constant reminders and updates about it. Does it bother me that she has moved on and is starting a family with this guy? No. More power to him, actually. But I still struggle from time to time with the issues from our past.

Most people can separate their past from their present relationship and can have a healthy relationship with their new Significant Other. These relationships usually have open lines of communication and have a fair share of understanding and empathy, due to both individuals understanding that each other have a past that doesn’t correlate with their relationship. This couples usually help one another deal with the random thoughts of the pain fro the past and support one another, creating an environment of love and a great bond with one another.

There are some people that just can’t get over the past easily. These people are the ones that have been used, abused, disrespected, mistreated, lied to,  manipulated, or other demeaning and destructive things countless times. People who struggle with their past are some of the more dedicated and vulnerable lovers. It’s just that people have broken them down and took advantage of them after they put themselves completely out there and had their hearts trampled over – stampede style! As much as we’ve been told to avoid getting involved with these people, their battered souls are the ones that, when cared for and revived, will be great lovers! Unless you have the people who are completely heartless and swear off relationships and to not allow themselves to be vulnerable for another person again.

Don’t shy away from the past.
I have no issue talking about the past with my girlfriend because she deserves to know about my past, just as much as I deserve to know about hers. I don’t feel that much is off-limits when you get to a deep level in a relationship.
Dig deep. Find out about their family dynamic. Learn about their past relationships and partners. ( I am not the most fond of knowing their body count, but I would rather be aware than be in the dark and surprised) Learn about any traumatic experiences from their past. Find out about their grade school selves. Learn what makes your S.O. who they are and what it is about their past that has helped shape them into the person they are emotionally/mentally/spiritually/sexually/etc.

The Real: Relationship Goals

First thing’s first.
This is not about those wack, Instagram/Tumblr, stupid meme relationship goals that aren’t really goals for a relationship.

I’m talking about real goals in a real relationship.
I’m going to be addressing aligning your goals and aspirations for success in your relationship.

Goals (n):
the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.

In a serious relationship, both individuals desire the same result: be with someone that they want to be with for the rest of their life, right? The objective of dating, whether consciously or subconsciously, is to find someone to marry; the ideal suitor to be with forever. There are many factors that go into finding or crossing paths with someone that could be your match, as well as deciding if this individual is someone that could be your best friend and lover until the end of time (ideally).

So let’s say that you are with the person you can see yourself with.
To get from dating to seriously considering or being engaged to marriage, we all have goals that we set for our relationships. These goals are for the direction that we are going in or for the things we want to accomplish to get us to the next phase in the relationship; i.e. relationship goals.

If you consider your relationship serious, you and your partner need to sit down and have the “talks” about your relationship. This is where we align our goals and get everything out in the open. This is the point in a relationship where two people grow closer or where many relationships fall apart.

These are some of the important talks that you have to have to make sure that your #RelationshipGoals are on point and that you are actually on the same page in your relationship:

1. Talk About Marriage 

   So. This is one of the more serious conversations. Not about the actual wedding, but about how serious both of you are about marriage or about the idea that marriage is something that both of you want. When we are still in the honeymoon phase, a lot of people talk about how they would marry someone or how their partner is someone that they would marry. Fast-forward to when their eyes have been opened to the reality of their partner and see if that changes. You have to sit down and seriously consider if you can be with this person for the rest of your life. Is this man/woman the person that you can’t live without? Is this the man/woman that you want to spend every moment, good or bad, with? Is this the man/woman that gives you everything you need? These are serious things you need to consider.Have the conversation with your partner are how serious they are about the relationship and if they want to spend the rest of their life with you. Don’t be discouraged if they aren’t ready to jump the broom that day, but this person shouldn’t have doubts about you if you’re meant to be together. If you are both sure that you want to marry one another, then you should begin to plan and work together to reach that goal. If you or your partner aren’t 100% or don’t believe that you want to marry the other, then the relationship is going to end up coming to a close because NOBODY HAS TIME TO BE WASTING IN A RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE! No one wants to be waiting around for someone to decide if they are marriage material or not. There are too many people in the world to be settling for someone who isn’t the person that you are to marry.

2. Talk About Kids
   BIG TALK ALERT!
   Talking about family building and bringing children in the world is actually not as planned as it used to be. More people are having children outside of marriage.But for some, the talk about children is still relevant. Personally, I am very open about my desire to have a family. I am just thankful that I have yet to have a child.

   This conversation is very important and goes hand in hand with the talk about marriage. If you desire to be married, more than likely you want to have a family and have some mini-mes running around one day.

   If you or your S.O. have baby fever, you two need to sit down and talk. Talk about what it takes to have a baby. Talk about the desired number of children. Ask questions about how important it is to have children and when you want to start trying to conceive. Ask about sexual health and the possibility of having healthy children and a healthy pregnancy. Talk about adoption. Talk about getting furry babies (dogs/cats) for practice.

   Gauge how serious your counterpart is about being a parent.
   If you have already heard them talk about having kids one day or have seen them around children, this conversation may be short and sweet. But, better safe than sorry right?

3. Talk About Finances
   This is a serious conversation. Don’t play yourself.
   Money is one of the major reasons why relationships fail. Especially in marriages.Find out each other’s financial situations and their goals for changing/bettering them. Be honest about your spending habits. Be honest about your buying power. Be honest about a budget.

   Break out the books. Break out the bank records. Find your credit scores. Find out how long you’ll be paying for those student loans or that car payment.

   If you are paying for your own wedding, this needs to be discussed.
   If you are wanting to have kids, this needs to be talked about.
   If you plan to marry this individual, you need to be completely honest about your finances and theirs.

   I’m not saying that you need to go and get a joint account. Those can be as deadly as joint Facebook accounts! Sound good in theory, but just leads to a bunch of unnecessary issues for the both of you.

4. Talk About Family
   Do you know his/her mother? Do you get along with his/her father? Have you met their siblings? Does their grandmother approve of you? Does your partner have a child of their own and do you get along with their child(ren)? Are you prepared to spend more time with and money on their family members? Do you want to be a part of the family?Families are very important. That goes without saying. Being a part of a new family can be scary and awkward. And there is nothing worse than being with someone you love whose family wants nothing to do with you. Not only will that lead to problems in your relationship directly, but you’ll have people plotting against you for the duration of your relationship.

   Have you met or spent time with your S.O.’s parents? Have you made a good impression? Is there anything about your partner’s family members that is a red flag to you?

   Discuss these kind of things with your partner. Don’t talk negatively about someone else’s family, but be honest about how you feel. Most people are very serious about their family, especially their parents. Many women are still traditional and want you to ask their father for their hand in marriage or win over their mother and grandmother (or children) before they’ll consider you as a potential life partner.

5. Talk About Career
   You never think about how important someone’s career is until you talk about how important someone’s career is.As Millennials, we are still young and have the world at our fingertips. Some of us are still navigating through school, trying to figure out how to make our mark, while others (like myself) are already in their careers and trying to make moves to increase their stock and make the most out of their degree and time.

   We all have different paths in life. Your potential husband/wife needs to be on the same page as you when it comes to career goals. While you’re still dating, you are both free to make your career whatever you want it to be. When you get married, you have to make decisions for you career as a team.

   You should discuss what your short and long term goals are for your career. Where do you feel that you are going or where is your career is physically taking you? Is it a strain on the relationship for you to make sacrifices right now in your career or are you at a point where you love what you’re doing and where you’re at? Is your career flexible? Are you in a location that benefits you individually and as a couple? Are you making the amount of money you want? Do you love or hate your current job? Are you contemplating a career change that may make you take a few steps back to get back to where you want to be?

   Make sure that you both know if there are any hiccups that will cause any kind of issue for you and your S.O. You don’t want to get too deep without being on the same page about your career goals!

6. Talk About Faith
   This conversation is important to some more than others. I am big into my faith and it’s very important to me to have a partner that shares in that (which I have). This ties into the marriage talk and the family talk.Whatever your faith, it can cause issues if your S.O. isn’t understanding and supportive. I’m not saying that you both need to be of the same faith or at the same level in your faith, but at least you can be supportive and understanding. Religious intolerance will make lovers turn to enemies.

   More likely than not, you won’t get involved with someone or stay with someone who doesn’t share similar religious views as you. But you have to be sure that you both understand one another and share a goal and vision for the relationship.

   Will you both be practicing in your faith actively? Will you be attending church together? Ask questions that pertain to your specific faith and get down to the nitty gritty (as my mother always says).

7. Talk About Sex
   Major key.
   Sex is important in relationships, especially in marriages.Don’t feel that just because you’re having sex that you don’t need to talk about it. Be honest and open about your sexual needs and desires for the long run. Talk about scenarios that could affect your sex life. Don’t be afraid to express your love for sex or what you want your partner to do to make sex better for you. Ask your partner what you could do better to make sex more enjoyable for them.

   You may not think that sex is a big problem if you’re having it consistently, but your partner may not have the same feelings about your sex life. Make sure that you are on the same page going forward!

8. Talk About the Future
   I feel like this is self-explanatory, but you need to have future goals.How to get out of debt. Buying your first home. Buying your first car. Taking trips. Making memories.

   Make a plan.
   Write down your goals on paper (because they are only dreams until you write them down).
   Set feasible and crazy goals!
   Be a team!

   Understand where the direction of the relationship is going. Figure out the vision that you two have for the future ad take steps to reach your goals.

Why I Will Always Give Love Another Chance

Failed relationships.
Mistakes.
Wasted time.
Regrets.

I’ve had my fair share of trial and error relationships. I don’t get involved romantically with a lot of females. There have been plenty of hookups and females I “talked” to, but I’ve always been very serious when it comes to the women I have relationships with.

Since high school, I can count on one hand how many serious relationships I’ve had. I have some great memories with these select ladies. I also have the torment of our issues and problems. But each one is a lesson learned and I would never change what I went through because those situations made me who I am today.

I feel like a relationship counselor, as a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen. My closest friends know that I have been through a lot and have an good amount of experience with the opposite sex and being in relationships. They also know that I am very open and honest and truthful when I talk to them.

One question I always get is “why do you always give love another chance?”

It’s actually a pretty simple answer. We were made to love someone else. So if it didn’t work with one woman, then so be it. She wasn’t the one for me. And I’ll find the woman that will be my teammate in the game of life one day.

The answer always confuses people. Why would a guy like me continue to put his heart on the line and risk being involved with someone that isn’t a good fit? Why would I waste my money and spoil a woman for it to not work out? Why would I let someone be a part of my life if it isn’t guaranteed that she will stay forever?

Why wouldn’t I want to risk it all for that special someone?
Why would I hold back from a woman that may potentially be my everything?

I always go into each relationship thinking that it is going to be something long-term. As I become more invested and in love, I’m thinking about marriage. Plain and simple. What’s the point of being exclusive with one person if you aren’t looking to marry that person in the future? Every woman that I’ve been in a relationship with I felt like could have potentially been my wife.

After a relationship ends, I take the time to hurt and be upset and get over it before I get to the point where I want to put myself back out to find love again. It’s a process. It’s not easy. But the motivating factor is that I know that God has someone out there for me.

Love is real.
Love is great.
Love is fulfilling.
It brings joy.
It’s what we are made to do.
I’m not going to stop searching for love until I’m blessed with the love of my life!

That’s why I’ll always give love another chance. At the end of the day, I’m in it to win in, which in this case means find the woman that will be my teammate forever!

The Real: Keeping the Spark

Spark
(n) trace of a specified quality or intense feeling.
(v) to ignite

The initial attraction. The butterflies you feel when you look at him/her. The desire to engage with your significant other.

All relationships start with a spark that creates the flame within lovers that, when properly built and maintained, will continue to grow and burn throughout the relationship.

Like an actual fire,flames begin with a spark to initially create the fire. The embers are small and vulnerable to the elements of the environment. When more dry and flammable materials are placed surrounding and shielding the budding fire, the flames latch onto the newly added material, increasing the burning embers and making the size of the fire grow. With a good source of wind, the embers with swirl and blow due to the chemical reactions taking places, resulting in a more bold and strong fire. Without interaction and engagement by stoking the fire and revealing more flammable parts of the wood, the fire will eventually begin to die down. But if you stoke it and add more dry wood and flammables, the fire will continue to burn for what seems like an eternity.

Let’s relate that to relationships.

When you begin a relationship, the spark is initially there. Two new lovers. Just taking everything day by day. Each passing day is full of new wonder and new experiences. You grow with one another. You learn about one another. Each kiss is full of life. Each hug feels like the best hug. The sex is amazing. But it’s not even at its full potential.

As the relationship grows and you two go through time and situations, your love reaches a new level and the spark turns into a flame. You actually fall in love and aren’t ashamed of it. You see your lover as more than just your girlfriend/boyfriend, but as someone who you love and want to have in your life. You begin to enjoy making memories. Pictures have sentimental value. Certain songs correlate to your significant other. Intimacy begins. You stop having sex for you and start having sex with them. You talk about them with your friends and bring them to meet your family. Even here, the flame hasn’t reached its full strength and vigor.

Your flame is at the best after the relationship has gone through the fire and continues to burn. After things came in to destroy the relationship and you and your partner got past it and grew more in love with each other. At this point, you’re not selfish anymore. You have stopped worrying about your happiness and made their happiness the most important thing in your daily life. No other man/woman compares to yours because of the love you have for your person. Routine activities become adventures, like grocery shopping, cooking, doing laundry, cleaning the house, etc. Your love for one another has no limits and you finally love each other freely and without fear. If you aren’t married, marriage is right around the corner. You want to start a family. You want to start traditions with your lover. You make passionate love, like never before. Everything you do is done with love.

The problem with most relationships that end is because we lose this spark. Our flame dies out. We don’t help to keep the fire burning. We give up. If we don’t get our way, we shut down. If times get rough, we throw in the towel. If our significant other isn’t giving us what we think we deserve, we look for greener grass.

This is not ok. I REPEAT! This is NOT OK!

When things start to fizzle out in the relationship or the spark begins to fade, GET TO WORK! If you love your significant other, do whatever possible to fan the flame and add flammables to the fire to keep it burning.

Take the time out to sexually please your partner. Their pleasure, not yours. Do the things that they like. Go all out. Make it romantic. Light some candles. Set the mood. Buy and wear some new lingerie/underwear. Try something new. Engage in sexual acts that only please your partner or live out one of their fantasies. AND DO IT OFTEN!

Get off your butt. Go on dates. Actual dates. Do something daring together. Go zip lining. Ride jet skis. Play sports together. Do something fun and active!

Be spontaneous. Be random. Mix it up. Get out of the monotony.

Be someone your partner will want to spend time with. Be charming, fun, and engaging again.

Act loving even when you don’t feel like it. Put your pride to the side and make them feel valued and significant.

Devote time to one another. It could be 15 minutes of uninterrupted time. No cell phones. No social media. No TV. Just you and your partner. It could be just talking and actively listening. It could be just time to cuddle on the couch and reflect on how you love each other. It could be just NetFlix and chillin, literally. It could be a time where you just sit in each other’s presence and just meditate. Just time for you and your partner, together.

My advice is:

Keep the spark alive. Don’t stop falling in love with your someone special.

The Real: Motivation

Motivation (n):
1. the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.
2.the general desire or willingness of someone to do something.

Your partner should motivate you.
Your significant other should be the person that keeps you going and striving to the best in everything you do.
(You know, that Kelly Rowland type of motivation)

Being in a relationship is like being on a team. A two person team, like a doubles match in tennis or volleyball. We can even compare it to a golfer and his/her caddy. Your other half in the relationship should be strong where you’re weak and should help you maximize your talents as a team. For example, if your significant other is having a bad day or is feeling anxious, you are supposed to be their tag team partner to motivate them and help get them back to being 100! Men should always speak life into their women when they aren’t feeling as sexy or attractive. We, as men, should know what to say to motivate our women and to stoke the fire inside them, lighting them up from the inside out. Women should do the same. If your man is feeling emasculated from stress at work or not feeling adequate, motivate him. Build him up and speak life into him, reassuring him and his position as a man.

Don’t allow your S.O. to ever think less of themselves than they should. If you and your partner have open communication and they say something that clues you in that they need an extra jolt of motivation, give them loving compliments and express your love and appreciation for them and counteract that negativity!

I’ve been with women that have dealt with insecurities and issues of self-esteem. (Big surprise, right?) Even with my close female friends, I have had my share of run-ins with having to motivate the females near and dear to my heart. Ladies, let’s be honest. We all know that your weight fluctuates pretty easy. Some men don’t realize how easy it is for a woman to gain some extra pounds in the wrong places. That’s why your wardrobe is usually more extensive, so you have those extra clothes that are a size bigger JUST IN CASE. Well, as a man, in a relationship we have to be the first people who get to critique you before you walk out the house or as the first person that gives you a valid opinion on how you look or how clothes look on your body. Whether you look the best or not, you expect us to either:

• be honest, or
• sugarcoat/tell a white lie

The truth is, if we love you, 9 times out of 10 we think you look great. But when you have guys like me, 9 times out of 10 I’m going to be brutally honest in the most loving way possible. If you gained some weight and you can tell, I’ll tell you the outfit is nice, but go help you pick out another outfit that is more flattering. Then, I’ll tell you how great you look and how I’ll show you later when I take take the clothes off you. Or if you’ve put on weight, I’ll plan a date to go do something active or take you on a walk. Just to motivate you to do it on your own.

My advice is:

MOTIVATE ONE ANOTHER.

If you love him/her, keep their spirits up to keep them striving to be their best. Be their biggest fan. Be their support system. Stroke their ego! Do whatever you have to do to make your man/woman feel like they are the best thing on the planet each and every day!

The Real: Listening

Listening (v):
take notice of and act on what someone says; respond to advice or a request.

Relationships are not one-sided.
It takes two individuals to have a relationship of any kind.

In every relationship, communication is key. You have to talk and listen. Though many of us think that verbally communicating our thoughts and emotions is a tough task, listening to your partner is the true key to effective communication.

It takes time to communicate properly; this is true. But being an active and avid listener for your partner will bridge the gap between the two of you. It will foster a bond that is strong and can help to lessen the risk of problems due to ineffective communication.

Every message must be communicated. Thoughts, ideas, emotions, feelings, statements. All of these must be communicated somehow. The way that we present  (or communicate) that message to our partner will cause a reaction of some sort.

When you have great communication, you understand each other. You can tell when something is wrong. You can receive jokes well. You understand when your partner is joking/being sarcastic in a joking manner or when they are upset with you. For example, a female I was involved with wasn’t the best communicator. She didn’t listen well in serious conversations. She was very defensive. Anything I said, she automatically prepared to counter. I could have told her that I was concerned about the milk going bad in the refrigerator and more than likely, she would have heard “Why’d you let the milk go bad?”

It pays off tremendously to listen to your partner in all situations. You two are supposed to be a team. Great teammates listen to one another to reach a common goal, even when they have different opinions or views on how to reach the goal.

My advice is:

Take the time to learn how to listen.
Make it a point to focus on listening to your partner. Not only verbally, but also in their nonverbal(or actions and sub-cues)
Ask about each other’s days. And actually make an effort to listen.
Ask your partner the things they like and dislike, as it pertains to your relationship.
Get to know one another again. Make sure that you know everything about them!

The Real: Forgiveness

Forgiveness(n):
the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.

Forgive(v):
to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

Sometimes, we slip up. It’s inevitable.
No one is perfect.

In most relationships, someone always vows to never hurt the other or never to treat them unfairly.

I’m going to tell you the truth. You’re not going to like it, but somebody has to say it:

YOU  ARE GOING TO GET HURT.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

There are too many risks involved when you enter a relationship and you will get hurt, one way or another. Whether intentional or not, your S.O. is going to hurt your feelings or mess up. It’s not going to be the end of the world, but it will affect your relationship.

Most problems in relationships are fixable; some are not.

One of the most important lessons to learn when it comes to having a successful relationship is learning to forgive. Not just forgiving your S.O., but also forgiving yourself.

Forgiveness isn’t about your S.O. It’s about you. It’s letting go of the desire, the need, and the “right” to require punishment or restitution for the perceived offense. In forgiving, we renounce the right to hold resentment. Forgiveness is a way to strengthen your relationship and bond with your partner.

When we get hurt, naturally we resort to our defense mechanisms that drive a wedge between us and our partners. These actions result in a breakdown in communication and make us revert back to who we were before the relationship. You don’t want to backtrack. That’s why forgiveness is so important. It’s not that forgiveness is a magic “cure-all” to the problem, but it’s the first step in the healing process. When you forgive your S.O. and yourself, you open yourself up to a situation where your S.O. feels like they can repent for their actions and you can come to an understanding. This will then lead to a positive, loving outcome, where your partner understands what they did that hurt you and will hopefully never repeat that same action.

We have to forgive our S.O. for being human. You can’t expect your partner to be all they can be for you if you are expecting them to live up to some standard of perfection. You have to learn to forgive them for the things that are going to happen in the course of a relationship.

Your S.O. will do several of these things that will piss you off, upset you, frustrate you, hurt you, etc:

• Say something they don’t mean out of anger
• Do something you don’t like
• Forget to do something that you asked them not to do
• Be angry with you when you mess up
• any other transgression that personally affects you.

Big offenses, like infidelity, may not be able to be just forgiven because of the emotional and mental strain that it puts on an individual. But, most issues that arise in your relationship can be forgiven. When forgiveness happens, it allows whoever is offended to assess things for themselves, as well as for the offender.

Forgiveness allows you to determine what you need, realize that some things are out of your control, assess your boundaries, be mindful of your S.O. and their intentions, ensure that your needs are met, and finally, open yourself up to happiness and joy.

My advice:

Practice working towards being more forgiving in your relationships. Don’t focus so much on the negatives or dwell on the transgressions because you may be hindering yourself and your relationship from blossoming into something wonderful.

Forgiving your S.O. will open up your vulnerability, but it will make you more at peace after you heal. It will bring about gratitude and appreciation and a new level of love in your relationship.

Forgiveness is one of the greatest, unearned, unmerited gifts we can offer to our partners. We let go of our “right” to bring a sense of equality to the situation and instead, disarm the pain and hurt by looking beyond and ahead.

The Real: Communication

Communication(n)
the act or process of using words, sounds, signs, or behaviors to express or exchange information or to express your ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc., to someone else.

Without communication, relationships fail. Point. Blank. Period.
You should know how to talk to your partner.
You should know how to convey your feelings to your partner.
You should know how to and how not to talk to your partner.

Everyone in the world has a need to communicate. Whether verbal or nonverbal, it’s a necessity to communicate with other people. Especially your significant other.

There’s nothing worse than ineffective communication with your partner. If you don’t know how to get your message across to your partner, it’s pointless to even try. You can’t attack someone or be passive aggressive and expect someone to receive your message. I know I won’t. You have to understand how to effectively communicate with someone so that your relationship can flourish because of it.

I hate arguing. I know that it’s a part of being in a relationship, but I hate it. I used to hate when my parents argued when I was young and I hate arguing with the woman I love now. I have a temper and I shut down during arguments that aren’t respectful. I’ve dealt with plenty of women that like to take low blows and cut deep during arguments. And those arguments are some of the most unproductive.

It’s normal to disagree. You should have differing opinions and views because you have your own mind and past and all that. But when someone disrespects you, speaks down to you, or is outright ugly when speaking to you, it should be expected for the reaction to be extreme and for the message to not be received.

I’ve had females talk about how I would be a cheater like my dad when they were upset.
I’ve had females say I was just like every other guy because I didn’t do what they wanted.
I’ve had females tell me I’m a P.O.S.
I’ve had females call me out of my name because they were angry.
I’ve had females lie on me because I didn’t want to be with them.

Instead of just saying how they feel to their loving boyfriend, I get turnt up on and treated like less than a man and not communicated with.

My advice:

Learn how to communicate before you get in a relationship and continue to learn how to communicate effectively when in a relationship.

If you can’t express your thoughts and feelings prior to a relationship, don’t expect things to magically get better or expect that issues won’t arise when you’re in one.

Communication is vital for a successful relationship.