Past(n):
(1)a part of a person’s history that is considered to be shameful.
(2)he history of a person
The past.
So much can be learned about a person, in terms of their actions and responses in a relationship, from their past. Whether they had a rough upbringing or some turbulent relationships prior to the one you are in with them now, someone’s past will shape how they interact with you on all levels.
In an ideal, Utopian world, past relationships would have no affect or influence on someone after a breakup. That would be perfect, if you ask me. But let’s keep it REAL – most people deal with the after-effects of their past relationships for a significant amount of time; consciously or subconsciously. A breakup is hard to get over because we tend to hold onto the good memories, no matter how bitter things ended. For example, I have been cheated on in each of my major relationships. Do I hate these females for their decisions? No. It’s in the past. We have all since moved on. I still have a cordial relationship with most of them. But even til this day, I still find myself dealing with the lingering after-shock of our breakups. Either I have to be reminded about them by friends seeing their major life events on social media and relaying these to me or I have to deal with people asking me things about them, not knowing that we have been apart for a significant amount of time. My most recent ex is pregnant with her new boyfriend and I get constant reminders and updates about it. Does it bother me that she has moved on and is starting a family with this guy? No. More power to him, actually. But I still struggle from time to time with the issues from our past.
Most people can separate their past from their present relationship and can have a healthy relationship with their new Significant Other. These relationships usually have open lines of communication and have a fair share of understanding and empathy, due to both individuals understanding that each other have a past that doesn’t correlate with their relationship. This couples usually help one another deal with the random thoughts of the pain fro the past and support one another, creating an environment of love and a great bond with one another.
There are some people that just can’t get over the past easily. These people are the ones that have been used, abused, disrespected, mistreated, lied to, manipulated, or other demeaning and destructive things countless times. People who struggle with their past are some of the more dedicated and vulnerable lovers. It’s just that people have broken them down and took advantage of them after they put themselves completely out there and had their hearts trampled over – stampede style! As much as we’ve been told to avoid getting involved with these people, their battered souls are the ones that, when cared for and revived, will be great lovers! Unless you have the people who are completely heartless and swear off relationships and to not allow themselves to be vulnerable for another person again.
Don’t shy away from the past.
I have no issue talking about the past with my girlfriend because she deserves to know about my past, just as much as I deserve to know about hers. I don’t feel that much is off-limits when you get to a deep level in a relationship.
Dig deep. Find out about their family dynamic. Learn about their past relationships and partners. ( I am not the most fond of knowing their body count, but I would rather be aware than be in the dark and surprised) Learn about any traumatic experiences from their past. Find out about their grade school selves. Learn what makes your S.O. who they are and what it is about their past that has helped shape them into the person they are emotionally/mentally/spiritually/sexually/etc.
The Mind of Moffitt 