The Real: Relationship Goals

First thing’s first.
This is not about those wack, Instagram/Tumblr, stupid meme relationship goals that aren’t really goals for a relationship.

I’m talking about real goals in a real relationship.
I’m going to be addressing aligning your goals and aspirations for success in your relationship.

Goals (n):
the object of a person’s ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.

In a serious relationship, both individuals desire the same result: be with someone that they want to be with for the rest of their life, right? The objective of dating, whether consciously or subconsciously, is to find someone to marry; the ideal suitor to be with forever. There are many factors that go into finding or crossing paths with someone that could be your match, as well as deciding if this individual is someone that could be your best friend and lover until the end of time (ideally).

So let’s say that you are with the person you can see yourself with.
To get from dating to seriously considering or being engaged to marriage, we all have goals that we set for our relationships. These goals are for the direction that we are going in or for the things we want to accomplish to get us to the next phase in the relationship; i.e. relationship goals.

If you consider your relationship serious, you and your partner need to sit down and have the “talks” about your relationship. This is where we align our goals and get everything out in the open. This is the point in a relationship where two people grow closer or where many relationships fall apart.

These are some of the important talks that you have to have to make sure that your #RelationshipGoals are on point and that you are actually on the same page in your relationship:

1. Talk About Marriage 

   So. This is one of the more serious conversations. Not about the actual wedding, but about how serious both of you are about marriage or about the idea that marriage is something that both of you want. When we are still in the honeymoon phase, a lot of people talk about how they would marry someone or how their partner is someone that they would marry. Fast-forward to when their eyes have been opened to the reality of their partner and see if that changes. You have to sit down and seriously consider if you can be with this person for the rest of your life. Is this man/woman the person that you can’t live without? Is this the man/woman that you want to spend every moment, good or bad, with? Is this the man/woman that gives you everything you need? These are serious things you need to consider.Have the conversation with your partner are how serious they are about the relationship and if they want to spend the rest of their life with you. Don’t be discouraged if they aren’t ready to jump the broom that day, but this person shouldn’t have doubts about you if you’re meant to be together. If you are both sure that you want to marry one another, then you should begin to plan and work together to reach that goal. If you or your partner aren’t 100% or don’t believe that you want to marry the other, then the relationship is going to end up coming to a close because NOBODY HAS TIME TO BE WASTING IN A RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE! No one wants to be waiting around for someone to decide if they are marriage material or not. There are too many people in the world to be settling for someone who isn’t the person that you are to marry.

2. Talk About Kids
   BIG TALK ALERT!
   Talking about family building and bringing children in the world is actually not as planned as it used to be. More people are having children outside of marriage.But for some, the talk about children is still relevant. Personally, I am very open about my desire to have a family. I am just thankful that I have yet to have a child.

   This conversation is very important and goes hand in hand with the talk about marriage. If you desire to be married, more than likely you want to have a family and have some mini-mes running around one day.

   If you or your S.O. have baby fever, you two need to sit down and talk. Talk about what it takes to have a baby. Talk about the desired number of children. Ask questions about how important it is to have children and when you want to start trying to conceive. Ask about sexual health and the possibility of having healthy children and a healthy pregnancy. Talk about adoption. Talk about getting furry babies (dogs/cats) for practice.

   Gauge how serious your counterpart is about being a parent.
   If you have already heard them talk about having kids one day or have seen them around children, this conversation may be short and sweet. But, better safe than sorry right?

3. Talk About Finances
   This is a serious conversation. Don’t play yourself.
   Money is one of the major reasons why relationships fail. Especially in marriages.Find out each other’s financial situations and their goals for changing/bettering them. Be honest about your spending habits. Be honest about your buying power. Be honest about a budget.

   Break out the books. Break out the bank records. Find your credit scores. Find out how long you’ll be paying for those student loans or that car payment.

   If you are paying for your own wedding, this needs to be discussed.
   If you are wanting to have kids, this needs to be talked about.
   If you plan to marry this individual, you need to be completely honest about your finances and theirs.

   I’m not saying that you need to go and get a joint account. Those can be as deadly as joint Facebook accounts! Sound good in theory, but just leads to a bunch of unnecessary issues for the both of you.

4. Talk About Family
   Do you know his/her mother? Do you get along with his/her father? Have you met their siblings? Does their grandmother approve of you? Does your partner have a child of their own and do you get along with their child(ren)? Are you prepared to spend more time with and money on their family members? Do you want to be a part of the family?Families are very important. That goes without saying. Being a part of a new family can be scary and awkward. And there is nothing worse than being with someone you love whose family wants nothing to do with you. Not only will that lead to problems in your relationship directly, but you’ll have people plotting against you for the duration of your relationship.

   Have you met or spent time with your S.O.’s parents? Have you made a good impression? Is there anything about your partner’s family members that is a red flag to you?

   Discuss these kind of things with your partner. Don’t talk negatively about someone else’s family, but be honest about how you feel. Most people are very serious about their family, especially their parents. Many women are still traditional and want you to ask their father for their hand in marriage or win over their mother and grandmother (or children) before they’ll consider you as a potential life partner.

5. Talk About Career
   You never think about how important someone’s career is until you talk about how important someone’s career is.As Millennials, we are still young and have the world at our fingertips. Some of us are still navigating through school, trying to figure out how to make our mark, while others (like myself) are already in their careers and trying to make moves to increase their stock and make the most out of their degree and time.

   We all have different paths in life. Your potential husband/wife needs to be on the same page as you when it comes to career goals. While you’re still dating, you are both free to make your career whatever you want it to be. When you get married, you have to make decisions for you career as a team.

   You should discuss what your short and long term goals are for your career. Where do you feel that you are going or where is your career is physically taking you? Is it a strain on the relationship for you to make sacrifices right now in your career or are you at a point where you love what you’re doing and where you’re at? Is your career flexible? Are you in a location that benefits you individually and as a couple? Are you making the amount of money you want? Do you love or hate your current job? Are you contemplating a career change that may make you take a few steps back to get back to where you want to be?

   Make sure that you both know if there are any hiccups that will cause any kind of issue for you and your S.O. You don’t want to get too deep without being on the same page about your career goals!

6. Talk About Faith
   This conversation is important to some more than others. I am big into my faith and it’s very important to me to have a partner that shares in that (which I have). This ties into the marriage talk and the family talk.Whatever your faith, it can cause issues if your S.O. isn’t understanding and supportive. I’m not saying that you both need to be of the same faith or at the same level in your faith, but at least you can be supportive and understanding. Religious intolerance will make lovers turn to enemies.

   More likely than not, you won’t get involved with someone or stay with someone who doesn’t share similar religious views as you. But you have to be sure that you both understand one another and share a goal and vision for the relationship.

   Will you both be practicing in your faith actively? Will you be attending church together? Ask questions that pertain to your specific faith and get down to the nitty gritty (as my mother always says).

7. Talk About Sex
   Major key.
   Sex is important in relationships, especially in marriages.Don’t feel that just because you’re having sex that you don’t need to talk about it. Be honest and open about your sexual needs and desires for the long run. Talk about scenarios that could affect your sex life. Don’t be afraid to express your love for sex or what you want your partner to do to make sex better for you. Ask your partner what you could do better to make sex more enjoyable for them.

   You may not think that sex is a big problem if you’re having it consistently, but your partner may not have the same feelings about your sex life. Make sure that you are on the same page going forward!

8. Talk About the Future
   I feel like this is self-explanatory, but you need to have future goals.How to get out of debt. Buying your first home. Buying your first car. Taking trips. Making memories.

   Make a plan.
   Write down your goals on paper (because they are only dreams until you write them down).
   Set feasible and crazy goals!
   Be a team!

   Understand where the direction of the relationship is going. Figure out the vision that you two have for the future ad take steps to reach your goals.